first and foremost, i want to thank all you trusted beings for understanding and support regarding my decision to keep this webbie private (and also a safe virtual space for digital penning, basically.)  secondly, i am really not into drama whereby publicly calling out someone and pinning that person to the wall of shame. thirdly, you're probably wondering what happened so i'll just share a little here for collective awareness. i am okay, just baffled and literally watching someone taking "attachment" to a whole new level and well, i get to experience this phenomena. it's perhaps my karmic knots undoing itself but all in all, safety comes first for me. (yes, especially being a female)

okay so i was on an investigative mode over the past few weeks since the last time i made the decision to keep my website private due to detection of strange web traffic. before that, i had started my youtube shorts to consolidate some meaningful daily moments and also share some fun times such as the richard marx concert that i had a blast of a time at. 

during this time, someone that i had known managed to find my videos and began following me on the digital space and eventually, came to find my website and have definitely been a faithful reader. i had known this person for a while and even though we have lost touch for a couple of years now, this person had always taken a strange interest in my personal life for some reason. so, person was ultimately glad to have found me (again) and was pretty much all over my life in the recent months that it had gotten very intrusive and invasive hence my decision. 

i used to be active on social media pre-covid but found out about this person's rendezvous when covid happened and decided to shut all my socials (this was one of the reasons though not the main reason where i mentioned in my previous posts about the social media landscape being noisy and unproductive for me.) with regard for my personal safety, i keep my personal life very private and this decision had kept my sanity and also opened up doors towards Buddhism so i was truly grateful. 

therefore, rather than taking this person on and blast everything outwards, i chose to keep my personal life as it is - private, and only share this site and also my youtube shorts (which will only be accessible through here) with beings that i trust. 

i do have my public persona and i am glad to maintain it that way. 

as for this person, i hope that without engagement and attention, this person would eventually walk away and, live and let live. however, this person is notorious for being someone who has great difficulty in letting bygones be bygones so whatever it is, my safety comes first. i am fortunate that this person does not have my home address. anyway, praying that this person would move on. 🙏🏻

call me an advocate for self-care, self-sufficient, self-love...all these are results of a journey growing up watching how the people around me yearning for someone to take their pain away and i was one of them too at many junctures of my life. 

when they say growing pains, oh heck, it was definitely painful then. it started when i was a little girl being accused for an action that i was fearful of confessing because i knew a beating would happen so i told a lie and ever since then, i think i had broken the trust of the adults around me so whatever i said or did were always met with doubt and much interrogation. and what hurt the most was these adults were my birth givers, people who were supposed to be my "first role models" in life. but time after time after time, i was never good enough, never smart enough, never beautiful enough, never listened enough...essentially, never enough.

then came a time when i was heavily bullied in school and i really needed an adult to speak to and speak up for me - i was met with "go handle this yourself since this is your problem." and so i did. i became numb to everything and just did my best to turn my life around by excelling in something that i could be good at. i became a student councilor and was good at it. 

and my graduation portfolio for contribution to school activities were nothing short of excellent but my grades were beyond repair. i tried applying to college but no one accepted/bothered. i decided then to go speak to a course manager and the manager saw my grades and did not even bother about the contribution part...and she just waved me off and said, "with your grades like these, you can forget about coming into our course. we don't want you." 

i cried. each time. everytime. i was a total failure. 

at the same time, each time i keep getting up. these are things that i don't talk about much mainly because it is already in the past and lessons were learnt so i decided to move on. however, today's meditation brought up some tears and tenderness here and i was directed to ask, "why do you keep talking about self-love/self-care/self-compassion etc?"

well, this is it. there were way too many times in my life that i wished i had someone to pull me up. someone i could talk to. someone that could listen and also share unprejudiced. and i am not afraid to say that i grew up being alone most of the time. i had friends but they had friends so we don't hang out much. moreover, my birth givers were strict so "hanging out" wasn't something that i get to do freely. 

looking back, those were the karmas that had ripened for me and Aju 🩷 had never failed to keep me going each time i got plummet down. it's amazing, looking at it. and also, the one motivation that pushes me to advocate taking care of yourself first is because no one else can go through the suffering for you but only you can go through suffering for yourself. like dying, no one can die for you except yourself, isn't it?

this may sound silly or obvious but accountability is an actual skill that we as humans have to learn and to actually learn it well. and by being accountable, it is more than just paying bills and being filial.

it is the ability to have humility to apologise when a mistake is made to whoever, yes - even to a child, sincerely apologise and repent through purification. it is about no "cheat eating" when no one is watching when you're on a diet. it is about following through with something that you have said that you would, a promise made or even a casual remark. it is about responding and not just staying silent even though the other party specifically requested for a response so that he/she can move on and fulfil what needs to be done. 

accountability like these are so often ignored or just dust under the carpet because it makes people uncomfortable. ego is probably triggering that discomfort because of poisons such as attachment to a reputation. 

...

so, self-care/self-compassion/self-love time is a time where one reviews their actions and that is a way to observe accountability for themselves. okay, i recommend doing this with a trusted (and equally accountable) Spiritual Guide. this is exceptionally crucial because moments can get quite tender so to have a trusted and accountable Spiritual Guide who won't abandon you when things get heavy is so important. 

...

ah. life. i don't mind talking about discomfort because the more we look at it, the more we are trimming it which means it'll become smaller and smaller until it can be flushed out completely. i don't mind burning tears and clenched fists as long as these moments are recognised, felt deeply, hold it one last time and release. i don't mind working through this until it stitches up. i don't mind because i know how it feels like to be there. alone and lost. silenced when insides are screaming out loud for help and comfort. and hands on my heart, if i can be on this journey with you to pull you through, let's do it. as long as you don't give up on yourself, that's a start. 

we are all on our journey to wherever we are going to go next so if a little character like myself can be a companion to pull you through those self-care/self-love/self-compassion/self-sufficient tender moments, let's do this. 

Aju 💛 is always on the journey together. 

distractions, distractions, distractions. it's everywhere!

in my opinion, that's mara. one moment we are here and the next, we are there. now, when does this hamster wheel stop? 

when we stop feeding it. when we stop giving it attention. when we see beyond the facade of the delusion (beautifully) painted to derail our focus, lifetimes of accumulations and merits generated.

have you seen a tantrummy child rolling on the public floor, screaming and wailing? when the parent tries to hush or sooth the child (aka paying attention), the child cries even harder and screams even louder. 

now, what happens when the parent walks away though still mindful of the child's safety? the child stops. the brilliant human stops wailing, gets up and begins to look for his/her refuge. 

similarly, we humans are emotionally-charged species hence it is relatively easy to trigger anyone, really. all one needs to do is simply to disagree. that will definitely fire up a human quicker than striking a match. you can read up on any fights/wars/disagreements/protests/whatever that has disagreement in it...if we take a step back and just observe, all actions taken were driven by emotions. 

not happy? kill. go against me? ban. disagree with my words? threaten; while on the flipside, happy? support. follow me? benefits. agree with my words? bffs forever. (i don't see a point in linking any articles here because there's just way too many examples but point is to take a step back and observe and the most important...)

KEEP OUR EYES (AND SENSES) ON THE PRIZE

and what is The Prize?

theravadan Prize

mahayanist Prize

vajrayanist/tantric Prize

call it however - 'ultimate truth', 'enlightenment', 'cessation of suffering'...that IS the prize. but of course, the course of true love never did run smooth, isn't it? (and yes, Enlightenment is True Love because it is a state where everything is clear and concise. there are no obscurations, biases, dualities (aka preferences) and nothing disruptive such as obstacles; as everything's just, is...but to reach that state takes consistent effort on our end.) 

so honestly, it doesn't matter whether if a person is a practising buddhist or atheist or anything he/she/they want to be, 1) discernment is crucial because that motivates faith or blind faith. therefore, it is individual's responsibility to discern appropriate from inappropriate, logical from illogical, practical from impractical (just to name a few.)

2) verify. yes, this is so crucial especially with the constant influx of information that is readily available out there, "hearsay" is always trending. take a look at random social media posts in the feed especially those posts that are clipped and posted by the page author without proper credit to the source. this phenomenon is occurring everywhere hence take a step back and observe.

3) 佛 = Buddha ; 亻= person/human; 弗 = not : okay, this is personal opinion. buddha is not human and what does that mean? to me, it means that buddha/s is/are impartial and resolute. They do not possess or amplify human traits such as emotions and/or thoughts hence impartiality. resolute because they are Enlightened. nothing can distract or disturb them as They are residing in constant equanimity. therefore, it is more often than not humans themselves are giving (and labelling) human qualities (or sentience) to well, non-humans like buddhas, bodhisattvas and all other dharma beings. 

regardless of whoever one propitiates to in the Dharma pantheon, always keep The Prize within sight (and senses). essentially, the crux of Buddhism is to be enlightened so as to liberate oneself and others through transformation by employing skillful methods...and all these are only possible with a sincere and pure motivation, isn't it? 

...

distractions, distractions, distractions.  they are indeed everywhere and they can manifest through so many avenues. but if we take a step back and just observe, we can see for ourselves who actually got caught in mara's lair. now, do we save this being who is caught in mara's grip (with full awareness of our own capacity. for example, going to a war with a pencil --> unless you're john wick, otherwise...please make a sound judgement) or get away and call for right assistance (that is, getting a plumber rather than a sniper to fix a choke pipe.) 

and as long as we always come back to fundamentals without getting emotionally charged, i think clarity and calmness will definitely prevail. 

last but not least, this post is not a post of "i know it all". it is not. i am still a bread in making, feet that are still walking...there are so many things that i am still learning. these are inspirations that came from experiences through my interactions with people (and people watching). personally, i fully believe that people are capable of change and adaptation because we are at the top of the food chain. the fact that we can rationalise proves that we are capable as our physical bodies have evolved to a point where humans are able to survive through the harsh environment and still learn to survive better, are already indicators of intelligence. 

so, all distractions aside:

KEEP OUR EYES (AND SENSES) ON THE PRIZE

if you haven't read the previous post, please do. if not, this post won't make sense. thank you.

...

i could write down all the pasts pluses and minuses of my life...all the wonderful and also dilapidating experiences that shaped my life and me today...but i chose not to anymore other than the lessons i had learnt along the way. mainly, our memories get thwarted in each recount and i used to take photos and videos so that i can keep those memories as vivid as possible. however after a year or so, i realised that after all that was captured in those few short moments - i only saw what i had seen and remembered what i wanted to. everything else was just background noise because i wasn't tuned in. and this in itself, i felt the the moment was so fleeting, biased and transient. 

i wasn't taking everything in, as much as i wanted to or even could. now looking back, i couldn't even remember what time i had my meal and what went on in my surroundings when i was eating. all that make sense to me is, now. 

i still take photos/videos every now and then but they don't mean anything other than a snapshot of that moment in time when i don't remember everything else that had gone on other than whatever i was experiencing. this happened prior to covid and that was also when i deleted all my years of social media accumulations since pretty much when social media started in early 2000s. there were tons of memories. TONS. but embedded in these were noise. posts after posts of uncomfortable rants and validation seeking, i decided to shut everything down, wipe everything out and start anew.

that felt like covid. 🤣 

...

covid period was a strange time. but what was stranger was after covid. everybody was scrambling to get back to where they were, doing the same thing, talking the same talk, thinking the same way, walking the same walk. but of course, it backfired and failed. 

covid CHANGED EVERYTHING. i remember telling my mom that covid was like a "natural selection" disease. it removed the weak and dying while surviving the resilient and the fittest. and till today (and until the very end of my life here), i will always honour, respect, and bow down to Mother Nature and The Natural Cycles of Life. just got to roll with it. and roll well with and into it.

to me, post-covid was a marker for change and new adaptations. life goes on but it has to be breathed differently. somehow. so i left my full-time job and just invited myself into the giant three jewels (while doing some side hustles here and there at my own time.)  

...

i left the people, things and basically a 'life' i had known all my life and walked towards solitude. choosing to congregate with the three giant jewels instead because there are no mistakes here. no gossips. no condescension. no hierarchal crap. you just come as you are and you are accepted. no need for monetary obligations (other than offerings). no need for fear of judgments or criticisms. you really just come as you are, flaws and all. total acceptance. total free space. total openness and love. what's not to love?

but of course (and once again), from a human point of view, this is passive. this is not productive. this is not useful because you are not getting out there and doing stuff that could help everyone, one way or another. also again, just because you can't see doesn't mean that nothing is happening. 

in fact, much is happening and this is much more meaningful. although there are people around me who try to get me back to live my life "normally", what's normal, i asked. "have a family/kids, day job, take care of the household etc..."

not normal kept me alive till now, frankly. how many times have i tried? too many i lost count. and i thoroughly empathise with those who have those thoughts or even attempted, like i did. i feel them. 

...

so, i'm going to keep going, learning (to breathe and live) until my time comes. just as robbie williams sings, "i don't want to die but i ain't keen on living either." i'm at a point in my life where if anyone enters and leaves my life, the door is always open. if someone comes and chooses to stay for a while, we can share and support each other till the time comes for one of us to journey on again.

however, if someone truly sees me and chooses to stay for good, believes in this journey and genuinely wants to share it with me, works for the benefit of oneself and also for others in the process, willing to bare it all and also to work on oneself, willing to walk this long haul of a route towards liberation...well, i guess we can accompany each other. it's not going to be all bed of roses and beautiful skies, but if you are unafraid and willing to go the way without backing off when things get rough...then i guess you've got a good deal. 😉

...

life here is and i am like diamond in the rough. but that's beautiful in itself and i like to take time to appreciate all that. and flow, flow with cycles and mama nature. accept and embrace the natural pace and live each moment to moment. tasting everything in its natural state. learning to breathe, listen and live.

ps. life is impossible without the three giant jewels. hands down impossible. but as all things are, when you invest 100% in one, you get back fourfold. the more one splits - eg. 25% into four baskets, efforts don't come back equally because attention is diluted. articulating this with an example: you can try dating 4 people at one time but to each person, you can only give at most 25% of your efforts. of course logically, who would want to continue dating someone who can give <25%? okay, if dating is something difficult to understand, try eating 4 types of food at once. it sounds ridiculous but in our multi-tasking climate that we're in, we are doing just that, in essence. 

pps. then we start to wonder why people are losing their minds and having mental issues? i mean...🤷🏻‍♀️

 i don't want to go all heavy and soppy in this post but then again, it's my website (aka virtual space) so technically i can do whatever i want with it. 

so maybe, i shall technically do whatever i want with it!

...

it's interesting because right now as i am typing this, i'm trying to find the end of a knotted ball of everything....but i can't seem to find it even though i know it's somewhere.

anyway, how are you? how have you been? this is such a common question paired with a common answer of "i'm fine"/"i'm good"/"okay"/ or typical sgporean answer: "like that lor" which loosely translates to "well things are just the way they are. nothing spectacular and also nothing horrible. so it's just (essentially mundane)." 

and the next part is where it gets interesting. quite often, small talk is introduced so topics like weather, job, school, family, holidays...would come up. and also usually these questions would get the speaker to offload some steam. for sgporeans, questions on recent local news or policies or price hike or government updates would tend to let off much steam and also generate much conversation. 

after this ice-breaker, things would get a little more personal like "do you have kids?" (if you are a woman) and "how's work?" (if you are a man). this is also when the conversation either makes or breaks. especially if the person speaking is an older person talking to a younger person, you can expect to receive much "life advice" at this point. for example, if an older person asks about kids and if the answer is no, you can expect the response to go something along the lines of, "why not? you don't want to give birth? and you're already more than 30. you must try! and then make your parents happy. you know how long they've been waiting to have grandchildren? you know ah, back in my day...i was already pregnant with my first child at 14..." i won't go on but you get the gist. and for men, it would go something like this, "oh, so how long have you been working in the company? 8 years? i see, i'm working in my company for 20 years already. so, what do you actually do? oh oh okay, you know for me, i actually do this and that...and my working hours sometimes would drag till....and no ot pay and boss also like that..." again, you get the gist.

...

part of the reason why i chose to listen more than talk is because of this. almost every conversation i have with others would always be about others because no one bothers about another. no one really genuinely care enough to want to know how another person is living their life or how are they really doing. but maybe, just maybe i'm one of the "no one" who just want to know how you're really doing. and i'll just let you speak till the sun sets. and i'll travelled distances just to ensure that you are okay and well. 

but all these are forgotten when life is good, times are well and comfort is met. yes, i walked away. many times from many people simply because i was giving more than i was receiving. i went all out in search of everything - friends, lovers, companions, trust, faith...you name it, there would be something i had done to find it but there was nothing. 

the places i had been, the people i had connected with, the food i had tasted, the drinks i had drunk, the skies i had watched night after night without sleep, the recognition i had gotten for efforts i had put in can be counted on one hand...there was still something missing. i had basked myself in the companies of the well-to-do, the business people and even the bangladeshi construction workers at my void deck...there is so much void (literally) inside. the well-to-do wanted more money, the business people also wanted more money and the workers, of course, needed the money to send home to their families, to pay for their fees for staying and working here. 

and there i was, just taking it all in. i daresay, everyone i've met so far in my life is just so burdened and ladened. even my own parents, my birthgivers. they had their fair share of issues, resentments, insecurities and burdens. just for the record, i'm just glad that my mom is done and she's in a better place without all these stuff. 

i won't say that i've seen it all but i think i've seen enough. enough to know that everyone and everything are carrying indescribable weights on this frail and fragile bodies. 

and these are the things that no one wants to talk about because it is uncomfortable. very uncomfortable. uncertainty is uncomfortable. non-appreciation/under-appreciation is uncomfortable. drama is uncomfortable. broken promises and trust is uncomfortable. so you get it, anything uncomfortable...no one wants to talk about it. or, it's simply shove under the rug or when uncomfortable topics come up, it's always about "let's transform this into something positive!" 

my question is again, "is it because it is making you uncomfortable?"

...

and i get emotional easily and this had been something innate, i believe, since i was a little girl. more often than not, i would bite my tongue just to keep it all in because who wants to be with someone who cries at everything? so, i have learnt to be alone so that i can cry as and when i want without the need of permission/approval from others.

there's alot of pasts that i am writing here because they shaped my life and shaped me to be this identity of the person that i am today. i think it's equally important to connect the dots backwards sometimes, just to appreciate how far i have come. for this, i have come to settle down being myself and being by myself despite being surrounded by people. 

we are on our own journey and no one can ever take our place to traverse our journey with us, that's true. i still second what i've said before, "no one will see the red that i see." hence, no one will ever understand your journey, your experiences, your life...your whatever. and truth to be told, when another one bites the dust, life goes on. there will be moments that we forget the one who bit the dust because well, we're humans. we can't remember everything. life is like a dream, remember?

...

and as long as we are living in a society, life here is dualistic and ironical. "we need to take care of the people's mental well-being"/"price hike on transport fees and goods service tax". and not everyone has the opportunity to just drop everything and just go (then of course we have people who literally drop everything and left, for good.) much sympathies but i empathise their struggles, burdens, sufferings and pains. "give, give, give! be generous!" then again, who's giving what the giver needs? the one who stands by everyone is also the one who extricates the most inner strength but others, are just comfortably taking and taking and taking...just to feel comfortable and satisfy their own comforts at the expense of others'. "well, if you are so uncomfortable, then you should have spoken up!" well, she/he did but you were so caught up in your own world that you chose to ignore whatever that was being said and shown. you were not listening, with your senses!" then, complete shut down because it's not comfortable. it's not nice. it's not positive. it's just uneasy. 

long post but i'll continue the next part on a new page. 

coming up! 

Lama Atisha spoke these words to Bodhiprabha:

❝ "Oh! Being of insignificance, because of my inferior wisdom, it is improper for me to deliver advice to you who are already in possession of high knowledge and clear mind. However, being inspired by you, my most cherished friend, whom I hold supremely dear to my heart, I am leaving you this essential advice.

Friends, until you attain enlightenment the Spiritual Guru is indispensable, therefore rely upon the holy Spiritual Guru. It is indispensable to listen to the teaching of the Spiritual Guru till you realise the ultimate truth. Listen, therefore, to the instructions of the Spiritual Guru. Since mere knowledge of the Dharma is not enough for attaining Buddhahood, practise virtue and Dharma earnestly. Avoid places that cause disturbance to your mind, and stay at places where your virtues increase.

Activities of transient pleasure cause disturbance to the mind, therefore remain in a place where such harm cannot reach you, till you attain equanimity. Avoid those friends who add to your delusions, and depend upon those who increase your virtue. Since worldly activities have no end, stay clear from such activities and keep yourself free. Accumulate your virtues day and night, and keep watch on your mind.

Merely meditating on the advice is not sufficient; always practise with reverence in accordance to the instruction of the Spiritual Guru. Practice with devotional commitment is the fastest and most reliable way of attaining fulfilment. The Spiritual Law ensures whoever practises sincerely, in accordance with the Dharma, is free from the adversity of livelihood. Friends, mundane desires offer no more satisfaction than thirst can be quenched by sea water. It is, therefore, a hopeless task to try to satisfy mundane desires.

Extinguish pride and arrogance from the mind, and remain peaceful and disciplined. Any activities which pretend to be meritorious should be renounced, for they are rituals of no benefit and are obstacles to Dharma. Material gain and worldly honour are the devil’s snare, so remove these as you would remove boulders from a path. Words of praise and fame are mere deceptions. Therefore, throw these out as you would spit.

Happiness, prosperity, and friendship of the present life is temporal by nature, and last but momentarily. Therefore, do not attach yourself to such transient matters. Since future lives last infinitely longer than the present one, save the virtues of Dharma to provide for the future. You will eventually have to abandon everything and depart. Therefore, have no craving. Have compassion for beings of less fortune, do not injure or despise them.

Love thy enemies and friends equally and impartially. Have no jealousy for those with good qualities, but instead, have respect for them and develop those qualities in yourself. Do not seek faults in others, but examine those of your own, and purge them like poisonous blood. Do not think of your own virtue, but think of the virtue of others. Respect and serve all beings.

Extend the same loving feelings to all beings, just as parents have love for their son. Always have a smiling face. Avoid anger and speak kindly with a loving heart. Be mindful of the words you use and speak in simple terms, for careless words give rise to error. Partaking in unnecessary activities taints virtue. Therefore, avoid activities that are non-virtuous.

There is no merit in being burdened with meaningless activities. Nothing happens by wish alone, for everything is governed by past karma. Therefore, keep relaxed and be happy. Listen, for a noble person a non-virtuous act is worse than death. Therefore, be honest and straightforward. The happiness and sorrow of this life are but the result of past actions. Therefore, do not blame others for these.

All happiness comes from the blessings of the Spiritual Guru, one must always therefore be grateful to him. You cannot successfully help others till you have succeeded in helping yourself.  Therefore, work hard to perfect siddhi - the mastery over the powers of the body, mind and of nature. When it is time to depart, one will have to leave the worldly-possessions one has gathered behind. Therefore, do not generate non-virtue for the sake of worldly-possessions.

Transient pleasure and mundane distraction have no value. Therefore, enrich yourself with the only wealth which really matters - the practice of generosity. You will thereby become beautiful in this life and enjoy happiness in the next. Unwholesome attitude - anger, hatred, deceit - abound in the kaliyuga (age of decadence). Therefore, protect yourself with the armour of patience. Do not procrastinate in samsara due to laziness. Kindle the fire of the effort to attain siddhi.

Human life is wasted by senseless indulgence in distractions. Therefore, practise meditation. The nature of the Ultimate Truth cannot be realised under the influence of ignorance. Therefore, differentiate the adapted meaning from the ultimate meaning of truth. Friends, do not bury yourself in the mire of samsara. Reach for the firm land of liberation. Develop correct understanding of the teaching of the Spiritual Guru. Meditate on samsara as the river of suffering.

These are not meaningless words. You should contemplate these with care and keep these in the depth of your heart. If you practise thus you will generate happiness for yourself and others. This is my humble advice. And I pray you take heed of it." ❞

...

yes, of course. in fact, much was said. and i love the fact that sometimes, the essence of everything is somewhere in the middle. it's just like a burger...the meat (or "meat") is always in between.

and taking care of oneself first is not selfish but absolutely necessary. 

just a couple of evenings ago, i witnessed a boy child screaming and not wanting the cross the road. so, that poor boy was wailing and well, appearing to be throwing a tantrum while the poor exhausted mother (she was carrying the boy's school bag on one arm and the other arm had her own bag to carry)...the traffic lights were going off and i can imagine she was in such distress to get home and have her son showered so they could have dinner and then perhaps complete homework etc. however, the situation obviously did not go that way and both mother and son were flustered. the boy kept running back to the other side of the road while the mother had to grab him and upon reaching the side of their house, boy's mother had enough she flanked him on the ground and gave him some tough love by smacking him multiple times and shouting at him. boy was obviously delirious and started screaming even louder, crying non-stop.

this episode got me contemplating Lama Atisha's passage above because it is as accurate as it could get - if a person is running on an empty tank due to shouldering too much responsibilities/burdens and/or unable to delegate tasks well enough to facilitate an efficient running of a system - then it is only a matter of time before something (or someone) comes loose and begin to break down externally and/or internally. 

and in my personal and humble opinion, i can have a fantastic and awesome Spiritual Guru/Guide but if i don't do the self-care work, how can i ever Appreciate, Honour and Love Him in the purest and most genuine way? 🤷🏻‍♀️ i won't have the capacity to understand how Great this Spiritual Guide is. it's like, purchasing a high-end gaming computer but it is only used to run microsoft programmes and play microsoft games. by no means i'm saying this is impossible but it is potentially wasting the capabilities that the super machine could do. 

there is so much more to this blessed words and it's definitely worth taking the time to mull over it.