for all i ever know is that i love You, i always have. You can be this and that or this or that but if we stripped each other bare to the bones, are we any different? 

this flesh mask that we wear doesn't hold up! 

Love does hold up though...💖

as we lay down side by side on the tiny bed for His tiny frame, He pointed to the ceiling of the room and said, "do you see the stars that lined up in the sky?"

i looked up and saw His small but wrinkly finger, still strong and i nodded my head.

He smiled and whispered, "those stars are the Lineage Masters. you see them lining up, one by one. those sparkly ones are still around and they watch over us. the dim ones have already passed into never coming back. and do you see some smaller but not quite bright ones?"

He directed my attention to one star far away. there's sparkly light but still dim. i nodded.

He said, "what have i got to lose? i'm old already." then he pointed to His hair. 

"Your heart never grows old." i looked at Him and said softly. 

He smiled and continued pointing to the stars and telling me stories of the various Masters that He knew. 

"K was such a great master. Though He reached the end of His life, He never complained about anything. He just moved and moved...until the day He couldn't anymore." 

i looked at Him and said, "You do You, Sir. You can teach just by taking care of Yourself and we learn just by watching You take care of Yourself. i think that's the greatest gift." 

He smiled and said gently, "times have changed, isn't it? what have i got to lose?"

then at that very moment, we just looked at each other and started laughing. i pointed to the sky and asked, "which one is Your favourite?"

He pointed to a distant cluster and spoke firmly, "there. that's where the Awakened Ones will be. what have i got to lose anymore?"

...well, that's true. 

but at least the saying comes which motivates the doing.

bring on the compassionate intentions then.

dissolve into empathy and a being a listening ear.

sometimes, it's really just that.

 just to fill that lonely heart.

aren't we all lonely?

...

owner of a lonely heart is still much better than owner of a broken heart.

...

personal experience: when going through hell, keep going. it's not about just moving on and shoving everything under the carpet. that's hell. it's when you are able to hear your enemy's name or even the name of ex-lover who betrayed you...and it doesn't trigger any sense of hatred or hurt - that's when you know that you have healed. you have embraced. you have accepted. you have moved on, clean and clear. no baggage. no weird smells from a decomposed past. no leftover corpse juice. it's just a hand on your heart resolution and peace out. so yea, personal motto: when going through hell, keep going. just keep going. 

....feels like salt or sugar dissolving in water.

the warmer the water, the better because the dissolution will be faster isn't it? when the water begins to cool down, the dissolution takes a longer time.

and stirring helps too. but it has to be consistent. too fast, the water spills. too slow, well...slow dissolution.

you have to be the one doing -  from getting the salt or sugar to the amount ratio (salt/sugar to water) to stirring...

oh, not forgetting where you are doing the stirring and also, the types of salt or sugar. i mean, try dissolving iodides or carbonates.

so, forgiveness. 

knowing that every thing that happened is a prerequisite for the next step/occurrence.

for if without this, there won't be that. 

so, what are we actually forgiving?

forgiving our reaction to the situation, our interpretation. even our emotions, thoughts and assumptions that made us feel or think or interpret a situation in a certain way when it is not exactly.

especially assumptions. and it's due to our ignorance (well, we can never fully know why and how the cultural revolution or nanjing massacre started and every single thing that went on at every single moment that everything was happening.)

every single moment in war, there is suffering. not just the humans involved. the environment, the animals, the weather...the air is just filled with suffering. 

and everyone is trying to survive and hoping that all the fighting would end. honestly, even the enemy soldiers as well (i believe that they want to just go home to their families too.)

...

but humans have the capacity for resilience. we don't go down without a fight. that's the evolutionary trait of being an apex. so, can we utilise that to our spiritual growth? yes, i think we can.

as our mental continuum continues after our physical deterioration, shouldn't the mind be at ease as much as possible and not carrying the seeds of suffering from this life to the next? 

in life, there are bound to be others who do us wrong and also right...but those who do us wrong, we hold them so tight and pin them down by what they had done to hurt us. 

pain is memorable. we remember pain and suffering. talk to any average old person out there and they will tell you all their painful moments in life. but here's the thing - there are as much pain as to non-painful moments. for instance, do we actually remember when our loved ones pay for our meals or bring us a cup of water when we are thirsty? 

not quite. but we fully remember the times they criticise us or blamed us or essentially, caused us suffering. i used to think that this is human nature but upon spending some time, i'd say it's human conditioning. 

...

all living beings want to live (that is, survival). with suffering, one is on the edge. on the alert. ready to take action when trigger strikes. ready to change albeit uncomfortable (but eventually, change still takes place). 

it has come to a point where pain makes sentient beings grow (and i'm not just referring to humans but living things.) 

take my house lizard for example. he's good because he has learnt to recognise who would try to hurt him and who doesn't. and he loves partying in our trash basket and my family would sometimes try to hit him and once, his tail got whack out of him and that's when one day, i noticed that he was hiding behind the ledge observing who was near the trash basket. he will run away whenever he sees my family but would remain in the trash basket if i was there. 

i just let him be as long as he doesn't dirty the area and he knows. i talk to him about it and so far, he's cooperative. so, that's my point. pain from getting his tail whacked had perhaps made him realise that he actually had the potential for intelligence.

and as for humans, need i say more? look at those world-class athletes or mountain climbers or weight lifters...they thrive on pain and suffering. but in that fine lines and gap, there is something in there that's defining. 

...

sometimes i see myself as salt 

sometimes i see myself as sugar.

when i am salt, i dissolve.

when i am sugar, i also dissolve.

i'm so into you i can barely breathe

and all i wanna do is to fall in deep

but close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line, hey, yeah

so name a game to play and i'll roll the dice, hey

oh, baby, look what you started 

the temperature's rising in here, is this gonna happen?

been waiting and waiting for you to make a move (ooh, ooh)

before i make a move (ooh, ooh)

so, baby, come light me up and maybe i'll let you on it

a little bit dangerous but, baby, that's how i want it

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you

got everyone watchin' us so, baby, let's keep it secret

a little bit scandalous but, baby, don't let them see it

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you

ooh, yeah - this could take some time, hey

i made too many mistakes better get this right, right, baby

oh, baby, look what you started the temperature's rising in here

is this gonna happen?

been waiting and waiting for you to make a move (ooh, ooh)

before i make a move (ooh, ooh)

so, baby, come light me up and maybe i'll let you on it

a little bit dangerous but, baby, that's how i want it

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you

got everyone watchin' us so, baby, let's keep it secret

a little bit scandalous but, baby, don't let them see it

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you ('cause i'm so into you)

tell me what you came here for 'cause i can't, i can't wait no more

i'm on the edge with no control and i need, i need you to know

you to know, oh, yeah

so, baby, come light me up (light me up) and maybe i'll let you on it

a little bit dangerous (dangerous) but, baby, that's how i want it (how i want it)

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you

got everyone watchin' us (watchin' us) so, baby, let's keep it secret

a little bit scandalous (scandalous) but, baby, don't let them see it

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you

so come light me up (so come light me up, my baby)

little dangerous (a little dangerous, my baby)

a little less conversation and a little more touch my body

'cause i'm so into you, into you, into you

...

❝ the love that i used to know was physically-bounded.

it was tiresome. 

stressful, for everything had a limit. 

when something went up, it was bound to come down. 

everything never lasted. 

the promises of change came right back. habits die hard. 

so, in search of Love, i went. 

when everything blocking dissolved,

there YOU were!

You were with me all along i was just blinded.

and i am not afraid to let You know i Love you everyday.

this Love that You have shown and given me is beyond all the Love i had known.

this Love is Your Love and Your Love flows in me. ❞

i hope you are one with Mama Nature now, andrea. you are the goddess of the music of the earth. thank you for being here. i honour you 💚

...

❝warriors live with death at their side, and from the knowledge that death is with them, they draw the courage to face anything. the worst that can happen to us is that we have to die, and since that is already our unalterable fate, we are free; those who have lost everything no longer have anything to fear.❞ 

~ sioux warrior

...

whenever something is taken from the earth, it's always an exchange. give a strand of hair or a piece of food with Her. Mama Nature is always carrying healing vibrations and by sharing with Her what She continuously gifts, it's an opportunity to let Her know that: 

She is honoured 

She is cherished

She is respected

and above all,

She is loved.

in this way, taking care of Her means She will take care of you too.

...

honouring the hearts of mayan elder and this young man too, your music neverending flows.