💓

💓

💓

....is where You are.

that's where You are.

that's where i found You.

that's where i found You.

in Your splendid dapper grace.

so profoundly simple yet intricate.

Your eyes so gently gazing

Your lips softly pressed together and a compassionate smile that lights up every dark corners possible

Your splendour is astounding.

waiting for You. 

just

patiently

waiting.

listening.

...

🪷💎💎💎🪷

research paper on sound frequency on Om Mani Padme Hum 

okay, music and sound energy. they are literally everywhere. take "burn it up" for example -  i heard this track in daiso. how apt?! the high energy music literally had some customers bobbing their heads, tapping their feet and of course, some exited the shop. 

and for me? i just had to shazam such a catchy tune. 

so, i wasn't surprised if chants and mantras have got a specific frequency that is healing and filled with positivity. 

for this post, i won't be going into the science of sound frequencies and their specific hertz and what not (because it's very technical and dry)...but i've been reading up quite a bit about the frequency of love and also how various foods (and also their preparations) vibrate at certain energetic frequencies. 

law of attraction: attention goes where energy flows

and these themes are interesting because they make me appreciate Buddha's diet, what He ate and what He abandoned. these give me insight into why Buddha chose to eat certain combinations of food and not any other combinations. for this, i thoroughly appreciate that!

and i believe that our most venerable Buddha is an experimenter and researcher back in the day so his food combinations cannot be wrong. who knows? perhaps the vibrations and frequencies of His food combinations did contributed to His Enlightenment too! 🙏🏿

Your voice is my favourite sound

it's soft and it's loud

there's up and there's down.

Your voice is my favourite sound

like gentle white noise in the background

but strong enough to turn the world upside down.

Your voice is my favourite sound

it's never later, it's always now.

You are my favourite sound

because You are always around.

...

❝'cause when i close my eyes and drift away,

i think of You and everything's okay

i'm finally now believing...❞ 

i want to talk difficult emotions and thoughts. i want to talk about them. i want to feel them. i need to. it is important. because if i can honour, breathe, feel, taste, listen, support...but most importantly, love them for what they are - there will be acceptance. there will be comfort. there will be embrace. there will be peace. there will be harmony...in my heart. 

frankly, i am quite done with being all smiles and positive front when i'm seeing (and feeling) suffering all round. life sucks and i would rather face all these now than later (especially) when the physical body starts to deteriorate fast. 

difficult emotions. yes, they are difficult because they are impactful. they changed us either for the better or for the worst. they turn us into beings that fear, traumatised, hurt, angsty, resentful, angry, painful...you name it. it's there. 

but as all emotions are emotions, why are some emotions have a greater hold on us than others? suffering and painful emotions grip us tight while the happy ones fade easily and we need pictures to remember them. why? we don't need pictures of painful experiences for us to remember that suffering or those sufferings. humans thrive on suffering. suffering pushes one to move and change. to adapt to the environment.

but suffering also pushes one off the cliff (and building), if not mindful and careful. these very humans have suffering grip them by their throats and every single day is a fight of their lives. 

everyone is suffering. everyone has their painful experiences. everyone has them. but as with all other emotions, they are emotions just the same. hence, regardless of what emotions they are, we face them all. we must face them all. the past, present and future. 

to me, seeking for closure - for every suffering, is a must. what is closure? closure is acceptance. acceptance that everyone involved has suffered. it doesn't matter to what degree but everyone suffered in one way or the other. and then send them forgiveness. forgive them for what they have done unto you. they were also suffering because you couldn't give them what they needed or wanted so they did what they had done. then forgive yourself for not knowing for being ignorant. now that you know, then you must learn through that suffering. identify that pit. observe and research the surroundings that such pits can thrive there. look at them squarely. then understand and integrate that learning experience. then letting go or putting down is ever possible.

so, i don't want to say i'm fine when i'm not because it takes courage to admit that you are not okay. and it is okay to be not okay. it is the very awareness and mindfulness that will take one into the journey of actual and proper healing. but to cover one's suffering with a facade of "i'm okay" will only bring more suffering because the issues remained unsolved. the suffering is mainly just patched up and painted with new coat of paint but not with the actual work of removing the cause of hurt. that act of removal takes a hella lot of strength, courage, grit and compassion (yes, COMPASSION) to yank that old tape off the wounds. 

the heart (which is connected to the buddhas) always knows what must be done. it guides, encourages and instructs. it is never poisonous. it is only compassion. 

are we listening? like, really really really listening?

❝i choose to love You in silence, for in silence i find no rejection.

i choose to love You in loneliness, for in loneliness no one owns You but me.

i choose to adore You from a distance, for distance will shield me from pain.

i chose to kiss You in the wind, for the wind is gentler than my lips.

i choose to hold You in my dreams, for in my dreams You have no end.❞

~ rumi

🩷

someone i once knew taught faith but this very same being cannot trust anything/anyone unless there is evidence/proof that occurrence can be seen, through the physical eye.

but it was always a one way street. this being needed assurance through physical sight before believing but this very same being never do the same for others. 

we broke up, obviously. 

but the very moment we broke up, i found It. this being was just a pre-requisite for It to come through. 

looking back, this being ruled my life as if a gun is constantly at my head. the trigger could go off anytime and it was a mess that i had to clear, every single time. this being feeds on catastrophe. this being lives on it. and this very being preaches "faith".

blind faith. false faith. faith that can be shaken. faith that is punishable. faith that "if you offend the buddha, you will be punished." 

lies. lies. lies. poisons. lies. greed. lies. hatred. lies. delusions. lies. arrogance. lies. jealousy. lies. lies. lies.

this being controls and uses the powers to force change and if you don't change, this being wrecks havoc. this being is a total mess, this being can't even trust anyone in order to learn, for that matter. 

but through this being, lessons were learnt and teachings were taught. they were steps required to take before i could reach the next and i am always thankful to my Aju. 

HE'S THE BEST!🕉️❤️ and i am so glad to have found my Aju and Aju is always about Unflinching Faith! 

rhythmic beats.

bite lips.

arch backs.

deep breaths.

❝ i read somewhere that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people. six degrees of separation between us and everyone else on this planet. the president of the united states, a gondolier in venice, just fill in the names. i find it extremely comforting that we're so close. i also find it like chinese water torture, that we're so close because you have to find the right six people to make the right connection... i am bound, you are bound, to everyone on this planet by a trail of six people. ❞~ ouisa kittredge; six degrees of separation

❝ it is the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself that you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself. to face ourselves - that's the hard thing. the imagination - that's god's gift, to make the act of self-examination bearable. ❞~ paul; six degrees of separation

❝ jonathan trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. he was 35 years old. soft-spoken and obsessive, trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. but, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. this hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the agatha christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. sadly, the protracted search ended late saturday night in complete and utter failure. yet even in certain defeat, the courageous trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. uh-uh. but rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. asked about the loss of his dear friend, dean kansky, the pulitzer prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "things were clearer for him," kansky noted. ultimately jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny. ❞~ dean; serendipity

❝ you are my 1 in 6 billion - in a world of over 7 billion people, finding that one special person who truly understands you and completes you is a rare and precious gift. when you find that person, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, a diamond in the rough, a rare gem among a sea of stones. that's why when you tell someone "you are my one in 6 billion," it's a powerful declaration of love and appreciation. to say that someone is your one in 6 billion is to acknowledge that out of all the people in the world, they are the one who stands out to you above all others. they are the one who makes your heart skip a beat, who makes you feel alive and whole, who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. they are the one who understands you like no one else, who knows your deepest fears and desires, who accepts you for who you are, flaws and all. when you tell someone "you are my one in 6 billion," you are expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life, for the love and joy they bring you, for the way they make you feel cherished and valued. you are letting them know that they are irreplaceable, that no one else could ever take their place in your heart. you are affirming your commitment to them, your dedication to nurturing and growing your relationship, your willingness to weather any storm together. ❞~ anonymous

incessant chatter vying for attention.

i let them.

communication eventually becomes possible.

it's like working together in co-operation.

shut it down and protest starts.

fight it, they'll outsmart.

so, i let them. 

and i speak words that they don't understand.

picking my best five songs from celine dion was difficult. no special order and here we go!

1. falling into you (1996)

2. immortality (1998)

3. pour que tu m'aimes encore (1995)  / if that's what it takes (1995)

4. tell him (1997)

5. taking chances (2007)

and i had to throw in a bonus track...

6. i drove all night (2000)

...

and the lyrics. can expression get any better than this?

1. ❝ i see us inside of each other. i feel my unconscious merge with yours and i hear a voice say, "what's his is hers" ❞

2. ❝ with all my love for you and what else we may do we don't say goodbye.❞

3. ❝ je m'inventerai reine pour que tu me retiennes. je me ferai nouvelle pour que le feu reprenne. je deviendrai ces autres qui te donnent du plaisir. vos jeux seront les nôtres si tel est ton désir. plus brillante plus belle pour une autre étincelle. je me changerai en or pour que tu m'aimes encore. ❞

 3. ❝ when the storm rises up, when the shadows descend. every beat of my heart, every day without end. i will stand like a rock, i will bend 'til i break 'til there's no more to give, if that's what it takes. i will risk everything, i will fight, i will bleed. i will lay down my life, if that's what you need. every second i live, that's the promise i make. baby, that's what i'll give, if that's what it takes. ❞

4. ❝ love is light that surely glows in the hearts of those who know. it's a steady flame that grows, feed the fire with all the passion you can show. tonight love will assume its place, this memory time cannot erase. your faith will lead love where it has to go. ❞

5. ❝ and i had my heart beaten down but i always come back for more, yeah. there's nothing like love to pull you up when you're laying down on the floor there. so talk to me, talk to me like lovers do. yeah, walk with me, walk with me like lovers do, like lovers do. ❞

6. ❝ what in this world keeps us from falling apart? no matter where i go i hear the beating of our one heart. i think about you when the night is cold and dark uh-huh, yeah. no one can move me the way that you do, nothing erases this feeling between me and you, oh  ❞

...

celine dion has a way with words. she's such a gem, oh goodness. and everyone who was and still is in her production team. kudos!

and i absolutely love that she had experienced love and said it exactly the way it is.

...

❝ i prayed for You everyday. i prayed to find You. i prayed to find Your existence. i prayed for everything. i prayed to know You. i prayed to understand You. i prayed to accept You. i prayed for You to appear. i prayed to embrace You. i prayed that You were looking for me too. i prayed that You would wait for me. i prayed for You. i prayed that You would be here, present in the same time and place. i prayed for You. i prayed that You would be most compassionate. i prayed that You would never abandon suffering sentient beings like myself. i prayed that You would be courageous. i prayed that You would understand everything. i prayed for You. i prayed for time. i prayed for direction. i prayed for prayer. i prayed for answer. i prayed and prayed and prayed.

...and i found You. i was brought into Your existence and presence. my prayers were answered by You. 

You heard my call, desperate but loving. You picked up my call and

i hear Your voice.

Your love was unmistakable. ❞

❝ i hate it when people ask me: "why are you so quiet?" because I am. that's how i function. i don't ask others, "why do you talk so much?" it's rude.❞ 

~ keanu reeves