so recently i had a conversation with someone who said this, "when you acquire knowledge, you just want to share it. i mean, who doesn't want to share it immediately? so, i will write about it, post about it, connect with others about it and get them talking. i will just share share share." 

well obviously i disagreed and that (obviously again) did not go down well. person took my disagreement quite harshly and had since gone quiet. i think i killed the ego. and, i wanted to share my point but was (obviously again) stonewalled. but okay nothing unusual because humans generally wants to be heard and be listened to rather than to listen. so, she didn't take it too well and i just let everything be as it is. 

i talk to my pet turtle when i was younger, i feel like he understands. then i talk to plants, insects...and even inanimate objects. sometimes i just ask them how's their day. how's life? is everything holding up okay? and these are things i don't  want to share with just anyone. i mean, i share these seemingly peculiar shenanigans with beings i trust. and beings who can empathise. beings who are aware and also mindful. beings who are kind and kind of like me. 

so i disagreed. politely. 

my social circle is non-existent and that's really a blessing because i would rather be around people who genuinely care for each other than to be around people who just want to keep taking and not give. be them buddhists or non-buddhists, they are humans after all. they are all somewhat similar to a certain extent. by means of giving, it's not just material. it's so much more than that. i would rather have no one than to have someone who keeps taking and is incapable of giving. 

self-compassion, it is. i think B went into the forest just to stabilise that because everything and anything external - ends. and honestly, if it's there, it's there. i don't really care about proving it or finding evidence to prove that it's real. i mean, if you found evidence and proved that it's real, then? would it end there? or would you keeep searching? then all the time spent looking outside and what truly matters is neglected - and that's on the inside. 

feeling sad? eat. bored? watch video or listen to an entire playlist of music. happy? drink drink drink! tired? go on a holiday! can't get along? quit. can get along? fear that should one day if things go bad then...

see, we're mash potatoes. we're mashed up stuffs, walking in this bag that needs cleaning. 

LOLZ.

it's funny but we just keep doing it over and over and over again and again and again. 

and i just sit here and listen. just listen to the rants going on and on and on. tell me about your life, your thoughts, your emotions, your experiences. recount them one by one and once you've gone through the whole list, kindly repeat them again. word for word. tone for tone.

yes, tone for tone. 

if the time is ripe, the information will come through. but do i actually want to share this post publicly? 

honestly, no. i don't. why not?

well, because i don't want to.

then, you're selfish.

ummm..okay.

yes, you're selfish. 

okay. 

...

not going to fight back through argument or quarrels. just let it flow through like the lightning conductor. along the way, say many little prayers. water my plants and go for a run or swim or walk.

all's good. chill. hang loose. 🤙🏾

You are with me and that's all that matters! 💖